my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize