I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
