You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
