She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
