how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
