I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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