i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
NoShamevember. You game?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
