I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
