You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
