He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
