I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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