Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
