Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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