So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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