Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
