before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize