I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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