He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
