Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
