We're facebook friends in real life
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
