It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
