Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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