turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just pee around me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
