Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
