Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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