i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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