Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
