Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we're making bets on your personal life
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
