Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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