Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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