i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
