u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
