I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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