Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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