So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
A bitchslap is in order.
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