I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.