there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
