That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
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Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.