Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.

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  (518): i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on. http://tfl.nu/22pm
  Replies (5) Good night (3891) Bad night (582)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?

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  (440): Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it? (1-440): because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even? http://tfl.nu/6ni1
  Replies (20) Good night (5346) Bad night (533)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.

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  (914): Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride. http://tfl.nu/fcgf
  Replies (22) Good night (2748) Bad night (518)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing

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  (201): he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing http://tfl.nu/t0vu
  Replies (51) Good night (1331) Bad night (5413)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas

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  (225): Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas http://tfl.nu/fkrh
  Replies (27) Good night (6111) Bad night (2419)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.

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  (515): in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/88o7
  Replies (20) Good night (10344) Bad night (1013)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.

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  (314): Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault. http://tfl.nu/cvk2
  Replies (3) Good night (2538) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times

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  (978): Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times http://tfl.nu/be2v
  Replies (14) Good night (1652) Bad night (4444)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?

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  (520): Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right? http://tfl.nu/vsia
  Replies (5) Good night (2034) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night

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  (610): i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night http://tfl.nu/l16l
  Replies (7) Good night (1347) Bad night (2798)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.

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  (519): This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun. http://tfl.nu/wpnv
  Replies (3) Good night (2265) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes

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  (310): Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes http://tfl.nu/a2gi
  Replies (4) Good night (1627) Bad night (982)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.

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  (717): Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea. (717): OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED. http://tfl.nu/n4s9
  Replies (7) Good night (3317) Bad night (828)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?

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  (215): Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard? http://tfl.nu/x05b
  Replies (12) Good night (580) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.

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  (817): If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex. (1-817): It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it. http://tfl.nu/yr72
  Replies (8) Good night (1615) Bad night (334)

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