hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
