This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
