things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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