The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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