I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?