We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood