Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
