She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes