I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
