Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
