I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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