he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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