someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
