i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
