i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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