see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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