It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
