He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
