dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
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you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
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I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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