I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
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