it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
