i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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