Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
