you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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