nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
