I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
