There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
