Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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