I feel great
I just peed on a car
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
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dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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