His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
