we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
