i may or may not be watching the land before time
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Also, beer. Big fan.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
