She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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