so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
