do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
