My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
