I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
