I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
