I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
