mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
